


Love is weakness (and it can destroy us)

by ShenaniganNinja



Series: Love is weakness [2]
Category: The 100 (TV), The 100 Series - Kass Morgan
Genre: Because in the show they're treated like shit, F/F, Female-Centric, Femslash, Fluff and Smut, I'll warn you if you don't want to read it, Lots of Octavia and Raven are coming up, PoC will have happy endings, Smut, Violence, and War
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-19
Updated: 2017-01-02
Packaged: 2018-09-09 15:49:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8897986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShenaniganNinja/pseuds/ShenaniganNinja
Summary: As the plot gets darker, the second part of the series follows the events after (PART 1 SPOILER)  Clarke dissapeared. Will Lexa change? Can she overcome the grief caused by her heartbreak or will she become as cruel and ruthless as the world she lives in?More side plots/secondary characters are coming as well in this sequel as well as flashbacks to the backstories of each character





	1. The plan

Lexa listened thoroughly to Raven's plan, and yet needed to ask her to re-explain it and specify some details for her. It was complex, definitely not something anyone else would've come up with.

"Okay. I _think_ I get it." Lexa began moving the figures that represented their soldiers on the map laying on the table. Octavia nervously smiled and slightly tan her thumb through the back of Raven's hand, which went unnoticed by the rest of the warriors but gave Raven the confidence she needed to explain the riskiest part of her plan.

"There's a flaw, though." Lexa's eyes darted up to Raven's "I mean, not like a _flaw_ , but there's a flank that would not be covered at all times unless..."

"Say it."

Raven finished positioning the figures on the map. A sole warrior, different from the other ones, stood alone in the middle of the unknown territory. Lexa understood.

"Unless I defeat their leader on my own"

" _Heda_ , you can't do that. Send any other warrior..." 

"Indra, do you even understand this plan?" Lexa's jaw clenched and the vein on her neck began to pop out. She hated being interrupted. 

Indra didn't answer directly

"You are our Commander, and the Natblida are far too young to rule. If you were killed..."

"Well. Then I better not, don't you think?" Her tense smile contrasted with the dark green in her eyes that showed her vindictiveness. She turned back to Raven "We have no idea of what's inside their camp, but if I don't go on my own, we'll leave the northern side unprotected. Our scouts spotted tents from that side, so it's probable they only use it to watch out for potential attacks, so we need a small, silent crew to go there and kill them without being noticed."

Raven nodded "I thought you could send some of our people" worry showed on her face as well as Lexa's 

"You want to send homeless kids."

"They're the only ones that know how to go unnoticed, and even if they see one or two of them, they won't feel threatened. Once they're in, they can open the gates for us and our troops can kill the soldiers inside, the kids won't even have to fight."

"No." Lexa's face lit when she had the idea "They _will_ fight. They will kill those soldiers and to make sure no one warns the rest of the camp, they'll burn it. They'll burn the whole damn thing." She wickedly smiled "They won't know what's happening until we are already in."


	2. Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyy so this is a long one you guys ;) hope you like it! As usual, comments only help me be better, and kudos, well, encourage me to write more hehe

Ragged breaths hurt her broken ribs. Her lips were dry and chapped, bleeding every now and then. She could feel her heart pounding. Every muscle in her body was as tense as it could be. Her body dropped to the ground with a loud thud. She grunted. Then she stopped breathing.

\---------------

Lexa hit with her wooden sword a young child on his back, causing him to fall to the muddy ground.

" _Ge smak daun, gyon op nodotaim._ Get knocked down, get back up." She turned around to spar with the rest of her novitiates, easily defeating them. Only four Natblida had been found in the next generation, and none learnt as fast as Lexa needed them to.

"Come on" she tried to get them up every time they fell and stayed on the ground for a couple of seconds "keep fighting" she growled through gritted teeth.

After four and a half hours of relentless swordfighting, the children were laying on the floor, exhausted. Lexa rolled her eyes and sat on the dry floor nearby. "Now you must listen. Your training isn't just about fighting, it's also mental."

The kids somehow managed to sit more or less properly on the ground, some crossed their legs, others simply rested their back against a tree.

"Being Commander is hard. You won't know who might betray you, who to tell your plans to, so you must find a close group that you know will always have your back. But most of all, you have to remember this: you're alone. No one will make a decision for you, they might try, but at the end of the day, you'll be the one who makes them."

They were kids, but they had to know the truth behind being Heda, the harsh parts of it and not the ones they might've heard in their tiny villages.

"Only one of you will be Heda, and _you_ , whoever that is, will have to live with the burden of having killed the rest of you." Lexa remembered when she had first heard those words, her reaction must've been the same one she was seeing: fear, unwillingness to kill those kids she'd considered her friends, and in the back of her mind, competitiveness.

"Don't turn against each other, it's no use to you. The best thing you can do is get along as well as you can, believe me." She sighed "Unless you have any questions, I think we should leave it here for today" she stood up and tried to shake off the dust on her trousers. She barely heard one of her pupils' question, but understood it quite enough.

"What about relationships?"

When Lexa answered him, she looked as if she was an old woman. "Love is weakness. I never believed this to be true, but it is. Learn what I didn't, or it will destroy you."

\-------------

Raven kept moving the little figurines over the map, making sure there were no flaws in her plan and going though every possible scenario. She couldn't let anything happen to the hostages that were held by their enemies as long as she could help it. She sighed and kept trying different possibilities: if there were more enemies than troops of their own, if their enemies doubled their number, if they tripled them...Every single time she found a way to either rescue everyone or retire their army without a massive loss of lives. However, if more than three quarters of the grounders were against them, well, they were screwed. She took those thoughts out of her mind, if something so unlikely happened, they'd face it when it did happen.

She opened a drawer in her wardrobe and took out a carefully wrapped little package. She checked that Octavia was nowhere to be seen and unwrapped it.

\-------------

Lexa looked at her reflection in the wide mirror that hung in her bathroom. Dark circles under her eyes didn't seem to be going to dissapear, her skin was pale as ever, veins could be seen through it in several spots, and she could swear wrinkles were starting to appear.

It took her a few seconds to figure out what day it was, and when she did her hands turned into fists. Clarke had been missing for over six months. But she wouldn't be any longer. Lexa was determined. She bitterly remembered the plans she had for that day. _Happy birthday, Clarke_.

\------------

Raven had been so focused on what she was doing that she hadn't noticed Octavia walking in and seeing what she was doing.

"Oh, Raven..."

Raven turned around and tried to hide what she'd been working on, but it was useless.

"I can't believe it."

"I...You weren't supposed to see that."

Octavia then smiled sweetly and closed her eyes mockingly "Okay, let me know when I can look."

Raven sighed, it was impossible to give Octavia any sort of surprise "Cover your eyes. No peeking"

Raven stood up, her arms motioned around the other girl's neck, which caused Octavia to open her eyes far too early. She touched the handmade necklace Raven had just gifted to her "It's so beautiful"

It was a simple metal chain with an asymetrical blue gem which matched the color shade of Octavia's eyes. "How did you find this color, though?" 

"Patience. It's a virtue many people have and _others_ lack." She couldn't pretend to be pissed by Octavia's attitude, since it always managed to cheer her up more than she would admit.

Octavia smiled and passionately kissed her, only to abruptly stop. "Shit. I forgot. Something's happened."

Raven's puzzled expression was all she needed to keep explaining herself 

"Scouts are going to the Great Tower right now, from several villages and clans. Raven, someone is coming. They don't know whether it's their leader or just a messenger, but no one has got near them. And they're not alone."


	3. The gift

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, so I wrote this sort of double-chapter for Christmas (though it's not based on this celebration, still wondering if those traditions endured until the grounders' time)  
> Read the whole chapter ;)

Torches were the only light to be seen once the sun had set. The sky was entirely black, yet the streets of Polis were crowded with people. Wardrums had been beating for hours, announcing the arrival of the enemy troops. Children peeked through half-closed windows and warriors stood proudly in front of their houses, heavily armed in case they needed to fight. 

No noise was made, the only sound to be heard were quick whispers of the growingly anxious people and the crackling fire of the torches. Then, people started rushing to make way for the incoming committee of their enemies. 

\------------------- 

Octavia furrowed her brow. From the entry to the Great Tower she couldn't quite see who were arriving, but she could tell they were a very small group, less than ten warriors, who brought with them a small cart pulled by a single horse. She turned around, inside the tower, Lexa paced apparently calmed, but her shaky hands gave away her nervousness. She clenched her fists and walked out of the tower. She stood imponently, waiting for the warriors to arrive. Raven stood by Octavia's side and leaned in to whisper to her 

"Whatever happens, please don't do anything stupid" Octavia was about to answer when Raven spoke again 

"Just, please. Don't get killed for nothing." Octavia firmly nodded 

"I have a reason not to" Raven flashed the briefest smile before turning around to face the group of warriors that had already arrived. 

A figure covered in a cloak took a step forward once the group had stopped. The figure took the hood off, uncovering his face. A tattoo covered the left half of his face, and he hadn't shaved in days. Greasy curled black hair was poorly braided, and neither him nor the rest of the warriors looked like they had showered for the past few days. Or weeks. When he spoke, his voice was low and raspy, almost threatening 

"Heda. We come here to offer you a gift." He smiled, the gesture was asymmetrical due to a deep scar on his right cheek. 

He growled an order and a short, fierce-looking girl opened the carriage, and helped by another young boy took out a big wooden box. They dragged it all the way to the staircase leading to the tower and then walked back. Indra looked at Lexa, who simply nodded, allowing her to go open the box. It opened, the wooden pannel on the side facing Lexa fell to the ground with a loud noise. 

Indra took a step back when a bunch of rags fell towards her.

Then, she saw the person underneath them. 

Lexa lost it. 

She ran towards the box and pushed Indra aside. 

Falling to her knees, she held the body in her hands. 

Her guards captured the enemy warriors and the crowd began to yell and draw their swords, anger boiling whenever someone in the foreign group said something. 

They screamed every hostage was dead. 

That they'd died slowly. 

That there'd be more deaths. 

That villages were being attacked in that very moment. 

Lexa's guards knocked them out, but it was too late to stop the chaos of bloodthirsty warriors that demanded the attack to take place in that very moment and not when it was planned. Then Lexa stood up, still holding the corpse in her hands. She uncovered its face. The crowd hushed immediately.

It was Clarke. 

Her face was wrecked, a thin scar crossed it from the left side of her forehead to the right side of her chin, and several open wounds deformed her visage, but she was still recognisable to everyone. For the first time, Lexa showed emotion to her troops. Grief and rage boiled inside her, and she spoke with a shaky, yet hoarse voice. 

"We must not lose our temper." She cleared her throat 

"We are not ready yet to attack, if we did so, they would annihilate us. We must wait and follow the plan. They've done this to me, to all of us to provoke us, and that is because they know we are an actual threat. We" her voice broke, she took a deep breath and cleared her throat, putting on her usual façade "we must wait and attack just as planned. If we don't, we'll lose everything we've fought so long for."

When Lexa walked inside the tower, tears started streaming down her face uncontrollably. Her closest warriors followed her. Then, she heard Octavia's voice 

"Lexa..." She ignored it 

"Lexa" she didn't sound angry, or heartbroken, in fact she sounded... happy 

"What?" Lexa growled and turned around Octavia smiled widely and pointed at Clarke. Lexa looked at the blonde, expecting to see the lifelessness in her face. 

Then she saw Clarke's eyes were open, sad but bright. Lexa's mouth opened in awe and she began to cry even more than before, painfully falling to her knees. 

"Lexa" Clarke spoke softly, which only caused Lexa to sob more loudly "it's okay" she tried to sit and hug Lexa, grunting in pain when she did so, but holding on to her 

None of the warriors needed to be kicked out to know they should leave the room, Octavia drying Raven's tears and Indra trying not to cry of pure joy as they parted ways. Lexa kept crying and firmly holding Clarke, as if she feared the girl was going to dissapear at any time, until Clarke gasped in pain. Lexa let go of her abruptly. 

"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to..." 

Clarke cut her off with a soft kiss

"Take me to your chambers"

Lexa nodded and once again lifted Clarke from the ground in a swift motion and took her upstairs. Once in their room, she helped Clarke sit on their bed, took a piece of wet cloth and started cleaning Clarke's dirty face. She then helped her out of her clothes, which she decided she'd burn in the morning. 

Another tear fell when she saw the deplorable state Clarke was in, her entire body covered in bruises and wounds as well as new scars. She clenched her jaw and kept cleaning Clarke's dirty skin. 

"Lexa, you know you don't have to" Clarke wiped her tear with her thumb, which Lexa kissed before answering 

"You should bathe" 

Clarke nodded and attempted to stand up, almost falling before Lexa held her by the waist. She rolled her eyes

"Stubborn as ever, aren't we?"

Clarke smiled as they walked towards the bathtub, but grunted in pain once again when she got into it. Lexa tried to resume helping her, but Clarke grabbed her hand to stop her 

"Just...Get in here with me" 

Lexa did so, once in the bathtub she hugged Clarke from behind as the blonde leaned into her body. They remained that way until the water was too cold for them to stay there comfortably, and when they got back into bed, Clarke saw Lexa's bottom lip quivering. 

"Hey" she caressed Lexa's cheek 

"I'm here now"

Lexa nodded but couldn't stop herself from crying once again as Clarke hugged her, whispering loving, hopeful words. It took her quite a while to calm down and lay her head on the pillow, facing Clarke for the first time in months. 

"You should get some sleep" the blonde said, worried by the dark circles under Lexa's eyes 

"I don't want to." She said in a whisper "I'm too scared I might wake up and you'll be gone." 

"I will stay by your side, Lexa. Always."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, she's alive! Meheheehe   
> In the next chapter I'll probably do a short physical description of Clarke (I'll warn you) and maybe there'll be some smut (I'll warn you as well)  
> They'll keep plotting their attack, now with Clarke's mastermind as well, so let's see what happens...  
> Merry Christmas and to those of you who may be having a rough time, it gets better.


	4. Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I wrote this episode bc Christmas spirit and blah blah...Enjoy it! There's a brief description of Clarke's wounds, but it's not too gore and you can pretty much see it coming.

Lexa slept the whole night for the first time since Clarke had disappeared. No nightmares awoke her and she had a dreamless sleep. Clarke, on the other hand, turned around in bed and woke up, biting the inside of her cheek to muffle her painful grunt.

  
Lexa opened her eyes alerted by the sound, and quickly sat up, checking that Clarke was still by her side. She then saw in clear light the bruises and cuts she'd noticed the previous night. The entire left side of Clarke's torso was covered by a dark purple bruise that didn't look like it was going to disappear any time soon, and her belly showed several others that had already turned green or yellow. Lexa took a deep, ragged breath at the sight

  
"I'm going to kill them all" she said through gritted teeth

Clarke looked at her sadly and sat as well, holding Lexa's hand

"Please, don't"

Lexa furrowed her brow, not understanding

"They took you, they did this to you..."

Clarke shook her head

"I don't care if you kill them all. But don't let yourself hate them, don't change or you'll become like them"

Lexa squeezed her hand and kissed her forehead

"What can I do to cure your wounds?"

  
Clarke smiled remembering her healer skills and looked around the room, her eyes spotting a bowl full of berries, which Lexa quickly fetched and brought to their bed. Clarke went through them and found the one she was looking for.

She started chewing them and gave a bunch of them to Lexa, warning her beforehand

"They taste awfully. And they're pretty poisonous, be careful"

Lexa almost spit them out in shock but kept on mimicking Clarke. Once the berries had turned to a dense liquid, Clarke spit it all in a piece of cloth and handed it over to Lexa so that she could do the same, then used it to cover her bruised ribs. She sighed in relief once the swelling was better and handed over a few leaves to Lexa, while lying down on her back.

"You've got to put those on the open wounds, they're antibiotic" she said while clenching her teeth. Lexa did as she was told without noticing this until she heard Clarke's muffled cry.

"Shit, I'm so sorry"

Clarke's breath evened a few seconds later

"It's okay, it needed to be done"

Lexa put a strand of Clarke's hair behind her ear and ran her hand through blond curls. She then laid by her side and softly kissed her cheek. She rested her head on Clarke's shoulder and took a long look at her face. The scar she'd noticed the previous night was the biggest change, but other than that, Clarke looked the exact same way she did months ago. The blonde leaned in to kiss Lexa, and their tender kisses quickly heated up. Lexa got on top of Clarke, her hands caressing her sides until Clarke's expression turned into a painful one, making Lexa instantly move.

"Don't" Clarke groaned

"I'm hurting you"

"I don't care" Clarke kissed Lexa again, only to grit her teeth in pain once again

"Clarke. Clarke." Lexa softly pushed her away "Believe me, I want this as much as you, but I don't mind waiting."

Clarke sighed and silently sobbed, a tear fell from her eyes while Lexa spoke

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Clarke shook her head, her breathing became more ragged and difficult, causing her to hold her ribs in pain every now and then.

"Hey, hey, it's okay, it'll be okay" Lexa said while hesitantly hugging Clarke, who strongly held on to her.   
\----------  
Indra would never acknowledge it, but she hadn't slept properly either since Clarke had disappeared. She loved the girl as if she was her own child, having known her since she barely could lift her sword. She'd never expected the girl to survive, nor to become the amazing woman and healer she was. Much to her disappointment, she hadn't been able to spare her the suffering of being in love with Lexa, and the sacrifices it entailed.

Of course she had always known they would end together, and she had nothing against their relationship, she just wanted to protect them both from what she feared the most, and all that time she thought Clarke was dead, she'd blamed herself for it. For not being able to separate them. Or to protect Clarke. Or to hide their love from everyone. But this had to be for good, it had to make their relationship stronger. It had to.  
\----------------------  
Octavia hummed while repeatedly throwing her knife to a target hanging on their wall, only missing when Raven hugged her from behind, startling her.

"I thought you were good with knives" she said mockingly

Octavia rolled her eyes and tried to loose herself from Raven's embrace

"Well, maybe I'm getting worse because of you bothering me?" she smiled

"You're what?" Raven kissed her while Octavia tried to answer, both of them smiling

"What was that? I don't understand what you're saying" 

Octavia rolled her eyes again

> "Shut up and kiss me"

Raven didn't need to be told so twice and began to passionately kiss Octavia, who turned around, her hands on the other girls' hips. They only stopped when they were running out of air, their foreheads resting on each others.

"O... We need to talk."


	5. The talk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Happy new year!  
> This chapter is Octaven-centric, hope you enjoy it!  
> I've also been writing another fic (much more light-hearted than this one)  
> It's a modern AU in which Clarke is a violinist and Lexa's deaf. If you wanna check it out, here's the link!  
> http://archiveofourown.org/works/9122359/

"Raven, you're scaring me." Truth be told, she wasn't scared. More like _panicked_. Raven had never been one for prolonged silences, which Octavia hated because of the suspense. She nervously bit her lip, a twitch she had since she was a child.

Raven opened and closed her mouth several times, thinking about how to put in words her thoughts.

"I...umm. You know...us, we...uh..." She scratched her arm nervously "Shit." She took a deep breath "O, I love you, you know that, right?"

If Octavia hadn't been so frightened, she would've rolled her eyes

"Yeah, of course you do." Raven decided she'd just say it "It's just, we've been together for a while now, and I really do love you, and I've been thinking about us and our future and I don't really know how long we can stay like this, because---"

"Are you leaving me, Rae? Because if you are, just say it" Octavia clenched her teeth trying to stop tears from pooling in her eyes

"----you...Wait, what? No, I'm not leaving you! Of course I'm not leaving you! Why would you think that?"

Octavia shrugged "You just said we can't stay like this"

"No, Octavia, I..." She chuckled "I said it all wrong." She put her hand on Octavia's cheek and moved next to her, their foreheads now resting on each other's "I won't leave you. Never. If that's what you want." 

Octavia breathed raggedly "Rae.. " her voice broke "are you _seriously_ asking me to marry you?"

Raven nodded "I know you've never liked the idea of being tied to someone forever, so if you want to call it another way, or not tell people, or----"

Octavia fiercely kissed her

"I like the idea of marrying _you_."

\---------------

Meanwhile, troops were going through their plan once again. Nothing could fail. If the Shadow Army knew they were coming, they would lose the battle. They couldn't be heard or seen by anyone.

The soldiers that had brought Clarke had been tortured since her arrival, but everyone knew it was hopeless. They would bear no matter how much pain without saying a word. They'd die before betraying their leader, that was their way.

_But the shadow had been watching them. It knew every plan they had. And its plans would be fulfilled._

When night fell, a young man arrived to Polis. He was more dead than alive and almost fell off his horse when getting to the city gates. He only said a few words before dropping to the ground

"Three more villages. They killed everyone."


End file.
